"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
