So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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