dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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