Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
