i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
