is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
