I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just had sex bonerless
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
