White coat. Heels.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
