I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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