Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
