Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
