I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
