mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
