First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
