i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My feet surprised me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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