I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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