Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
