thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This is not my ceiling
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
