You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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