I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
