WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
