Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
