I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
