id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
