I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
