I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
