I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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