think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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