Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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