sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
