But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
