Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
