Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
