i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
