wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
