i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
