we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
