My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
