i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
