Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
