he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
