3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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