woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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