okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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