i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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