I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
