what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
