so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
