Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
