Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
