I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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