How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
