Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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