Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
