i need an iv and a liver transplant
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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